DO NOT SEE SCARY MOVIE 5
Just don’t do it.
Still reading? I don’t know why you would be, like this franchise my review started out with a purpose but unlike my review the franchise gave up. Literally. That’s what happened, it just gave up. I am not even sure why the people filming this film didn’t just stop and say “Wow, this is just awful”.
Now you may be wondering “Why did you go see it then?”. Well I got given free tickets to it and even then after 20 minutes I was ready to leave but I had paid for a drink and really wanted to finish it before leaving. Even if someone gives you free tickets don’t waste the hour and a half of your life on this film. No one warned me so I’m warning you.
Right down to the actual film then.
Well I can’t say I had high expectations but I held a small amount of hope that this movie (I shall not speak its name) would surprise me with some refreshing and clever humour that the previous instalments may have lacked. But it didn’t . The humour was very toilet based and even then the only joke that made me crack a smile was repeated, and then repeated. And then repeated.
The editing wasn’t totally terrible, but I could have done the same editing on my laptop. They loved jump cuts to move actors into ‘funny’ positions and speeding up the footage (I thank them for this) so that ‘fight’ scenes and humping of legs would seem ‘funny’ (I keep using this word but it really has no meaning to the makers of this film).
There was nothing to keep the audience watching. I often found myself thinking about other things such as other movies I would rather be watching and then I would look around the cinema and talk to my friends. What was I writing again? Oh yes a Scary Movie 5 review.
The cast was made up of a collection of washed up actors (I use the term ‘actor’ loosely) and washed up rap stars and washed up sports stars. Sarah Hyland had a small role in this and so I give her a pass, not only because her one scene wasn’t totally awful, but she is in Modern Family and I really like that show at the moment. All of whom added nothing to this movie; it may not even have been totally their fault, the script writers (if there were some) are to blame for this movie’s terrible-ness. And like this stupid movie I have given up.
How the fuck did this movie get a 4 star rating on IMDb? Even that is generous…
Someone get me a beer, I need to forget I watched this film.
Review by Tom McCormack, curator of this here Tumblr page and King of all GIFs.